How to forgive others
I remember the moment I realised that I was going to be a single mother, it was clear as daylight, no more than 2 months pregnant when my then-boyfriend now ex-husband (I left him by the way) told me to have an abortion. I had an epiphany, how could a man who claims he loves me and wants me to commit this act. I could lose my womb, self-confidence, commit this sin against God, guilt and even my life.
I knew he did not love me, yet I stayed, he acted like it was a no brainer. As single mothers, some of us can recall that moment when we realize that some of these men, only offer is empty promises. If we had but listen, we would have avoided headache and heartache. Every day we repeat the Lords prayer and practice most of it except the part in Luke 11:4 “And forgive us of our sins, as we forgive those who is indebted to us”, I was guilty of it.
Do you still harbour unforgiveness in you heart Queens.? In my opinion there are 3 stages that needs to be completed to get rid unforgiveness once and for all, its Accept and recognise, forgiveness and moving on, they all work together.
- Accepting- Accepting responsibility is a hard pill to swallow for some of us, but it is the first step to healing. Owning up that you made a mistake, the red flags were like a hurricane and you didn’t prepare even when there were heavy rains and lighting flashing, you only took heed after your house was blown away and now you have to start over from scratch.
Take up the fact you trusted him, lowered your standards, you gave him a shadow of a doubt, supported him, believed him, and gave him all of you when he did not deserve a piece of you. Not knowing he was a liar, cheater, married, was in prison, married you for a green card, lived a double life, child molester, your family and friends warned you but you convinced yourself that he is not any of these things and he would not do that to you. Now you are left wearing the heels and construction boots. Ok, fine! you are right. Now what?
- Forgiveness- Queens it is necessary, I never said it would be easy, took me two years to fully forgive my ex-husband and almost three years to verbally say it to him. I am at a point in my life where I believe forgiveness is me letting go of the abuse, I will remember but understanding that he has no more power over me. Forgiveness is tougher when the person you must forgive is yourself, can I hear, a preach sis! The blame game stops here. There was a combination of things that helped me, fasting and prayer, books, counselling and daily affirmations to myself in the mirror, I used motivational speaker Lisa Nichols tools to help me get out of the rock and the hard place, I was stuck in and I wanted to get out. Ask God to help you let go of your past, if you don’t forgive you will be like an active volcano that is only a matter of when not if you erupt and sometimes the aftermath can even be passed on to the next generation.
- Move on- I stand in the truth of letting go so you can grow; it has worked for me and trust me it will work for you. I will not allow my next to pay for my ex. Do not be too hard on your self, give your self some grace. You are a child of the king and no less than, God is ready to mend your broken heart. Today is the day to begin a new chapter of your life called a new start. Commit that you will create a new and heathy legacy for yourself and your family. I thank you for reading and using these useful tips. Be blessed to be a blessing my courageous Queens.
